Discouraged.
or maybe it's Inadequate.
Or maybe it's the fact that I feel like I'm not being as good of a wife as I know I could be. I'm not looking for any sympathy, I'm not looking for any pats on the back, because I don't need them. But seriously, does anyone out there feel the same??
I mean, really.
I cook dinner about once a week.
I don't clean my apartment as much as I should. (Sorry Mom)
I hate doing dishes.
I haven't vacumed up my hair off the floor in longer than I want to admit.
My closet is a wreck, in fact i think all crevices in my apartment are totally unorganized unless it's one that Jeff got too. Then everything is perfectly in align.
My car got cleaned for the first time since last summer I'm sure.
We need a new car, but I'm too afraid of getting in that debt that I don't even like to talk about a new car.
I'm just venting.
But really, am I the only one that excuses it like "oh someday when I'm a stay-at-home-mom I'll do all these things perfectly?"
I'm lucky I have Jeffrey that loves me. Heaven knows it takes a good man to do that.
I made a lot of new years resolutions and I don't feel like I'm fulfilling any of them. I need a Second-quarter re-resolute type thing.... I don't even know if I'm spelling words right.
I started reading Christine's sister's blog today. I know, it may sound a bit creepy since she doesn't know me. But it had me on the verge of tears all day. Read it. It's http://www.diaryofawidow.com/
I'm lucky to have a great husband that's all I can say.
and a dang cute one.
5 comments:
I feel like that all the time! Sometimes we can only do what we can! Hang in there girl.
Jennifer, thank you for your post. It made me feel a little less alone. It's hard to feel like you always married up and that you don't do enough for your amazing husband. I feel like that all the time. But one thing i know for sure is you are incredible.
Love you.
sara
Well, I don't know if YOU married up ... hahaha, just kidding. Yes we all feel like that at times. But the thing is, is that you were raised to be a stay at home wife/mom. You have a strong desire to do all that mom has done ... but she's home EVERYDAY! You aren't ... there's no way you could possible keep up with only being home a few hours in the evenings. Give yourself a break ... you can't possibly be the breadwinner and the homemaker. That day will come. Just enjoy your time living in the filth and don't feel guilty about it! Love ya!
I totally know how you feel Jenn, and the problem is I am at home. My deal is making time for me to get ready and look presentable. It's just so easy to put on stretchy pants and go instead of taking the time to look nice or at least put make up on :)
But I'm with Mel, don't be so hard on yourself. You are doing the best you can and that is all that is asked of us. At least you recognize that things could be a bit better and are trying. Watch one of those hoarding shows and you will geel WAY better about the state of your home, trust me.
I think everybody feels like that sometimes, heaven knows I do... ;) Nobody is perfect Jenn, not even Jeff so give yourself a break!
Just visit my house and you'll feel much better about yours! Ha ha
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